i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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