at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
