so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
