Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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