I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
