I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
