It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
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