I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
