I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
