I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
