well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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