He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
