the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
