You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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