take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
