I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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