Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
