yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
