Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
