Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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