It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You made out with two different species that night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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