who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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