we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
