Who did Billy Mays play for?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
