what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
