Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
