In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
