she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
