This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
