I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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