I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
