I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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