I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
