How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
