I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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