Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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