Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
