That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
