i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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