when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
foreskin is a definite game changer
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
