The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
