so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
