That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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