Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
