Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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