You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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