The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The beer is more important than you right now.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
