the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
