Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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