sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
