im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
