Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
