i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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