we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
