Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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