this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
