is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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