a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
