What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
