I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
