i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
