connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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