so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
