Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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