Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
pray to the hookup gods
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
