Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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