winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm bleeding and have questions
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
