why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
