do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
