the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
