I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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