dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
