So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
