do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
