Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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