i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize