3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
barbara walters just said penis...
worst night to have a conscience
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
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